kyle kasabian

What is your name, age and creative occupation? 

My name is Kyle Kasabian. I'm one month shy of 30 and I’m an actor, writer, and comedian. 

How would you describe your mental health at the moment?

Well, I showered today, which I think is a good sign.

 Why are you a creative?

My parents let me watch and listen to mostly anything, so I think that really got me going creatively from a young age. My dad was really into comic books and movies and comedy. He loved The Three Stooges, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, the list goes on. My mom was weird about movies with sex in it, but as far as comedy and violence, she was very hands off - which is very America. Also, I think my most “LA” version of this answer that is true to me is that I just think that I had an early connection to my intuition (without having a name for it yet) and all I knew was that this was just what I was supposed to do. 

What's your ultimate goal as a creative? 

I want to contribute something that makes somebody want to be creative for a living. I want to make something that makes someone feel the way that I felt as a kid when I first saw Beetlejuice. Or when I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when I was, like, 13 or 14, and I was like, ‘holy shit, this is it!!”  I want to contribute something that makes someone want to be creative, and then also, through doing that, I want to create an environment that is overwhelmingly fun and positive for other creative people to collaborate. I want to make shows and movies that everyone has a fucking ball on when they're making it and everyone feels attached to their creative purpose. And then through the alchemy of that, bring something into the world that makes someone go like, “oh, that looks fun. Lemme grab a camera and play with my friends”

Okay. So when you're in a creative slump, what do you do to get out of it? 

A few things. I like to go out in nature. I like trees. I grew up in the woods. I love a body of water. I like nights on the beach. I don't like the beach during the day. I feel too exposed to the elements and in my humble opinion, the ocean is to be feared!  But I do like water. I like a lake. I feel very grounded in nature but if that doesn't work, it's usually just a good sign for me to just go out and live my life and something will pop up. Whether that be from just hanging out with friends and, like, laughing for hours on end, that usually loosens up whatever blocks I have. If my face hurts by the end of the night from laughing then that usually shakes loose the juice. 

If you weren't doing something creative, what job would you be doing, do you think?

That's a tough thing to answer. Can I say I wouldn't be anything else? and if I were, I wouldn't be me? For the sake of answering the question, maybe something like manual labor. Maybe I'd just be a custodian. I'd probably just have my headphones in. I'd be cleaning something, because I feel really in the zone when I'm cleaning. I used to work as a housecleaner and I would just vibe out and steal snacks from people’s pantries. That was nice. But overall, I think if there was another version of me that doesn't do something creative, it isn't me. I can't envision a life where I don't have a rich creative life.

So what's the hardest thing that you've had to go overcome in your creative career?

There's a need for validation that I think a lot of us struggle with. That was a difficult thing. I think that the most impactful decision that I made was to not take myself too seriously (he answered in an interview about himself). It's always so funny to me when a life lesson is so basic that you see it everywhere, but things are cliche for a reason, right? It's so weird to take such a long road to the thing that you've heard a million times and finally get it. That's frustrating and humbling, truly. 

When I started out, especially when I started out in sketch comedy, I had a lot of fucking opinions. I do. as a person. I'm very opinionated, but I think I learned to stop sucking my own dick so much and learn to ask myself, is the thing you’re making fun, though? Are people walking away from this thing that you made, like, feeling better? Or did you make something where the whole point of it was like, “isn't it funny how this person sucks and I don't?”  or something that’s just, “People do (insert thing) all the time, and that's annoying. And I AM calling it out, honey sweetie baby!!!”  That was a big part of what I was making for a while. I had this moment in covid lockdown where I laid out everything that I had ever written, and I lined them all up and I went, “oh, no. I’m mean!!!”  and I was like, oh, my God, this is not what I'm trying to do. It was so important to see that.

You're going to get way more of a positive reaction if the point of the thing is just to make people laugh, not just to show everyone how fucking clever you are. Yes I can still be particular and involved about the stuff that I make, but I think the reasoning behind it has shifted, and I think that was a big lesson to learn. 

When do you most feel true to yourself?

I feel most true to myself when I know that something is good or funny, that I'm excited about it and I have the energy and motivation to see it through. Again, it's just feeling connected to my intuition and trusting it and feeling confident in my ability to communicate with other people in a way to see it through, not just having to be kind of boneheaded about it and be incredibly precious about certain things that don’t really matter. 

When was the last time you cried and are you comfortable sharing why? 

I cried three days ago. Three days ago? Maybe four days ago. I don't know. I cried because my mom passed away last month so I’m pretty much just riding the grief wave when it comes. It wasn't so much that I was grieving the loss at that moment, but it was just sort of a realization of how much work I know is involved to keep the ship running and I got overwhelmed, thus tears.

It was an anxious cry because I knew that I might not be feeling okay tomorrow, but also knowing that there are things that I need to get done. And that made me feel overwhelmed so I started crying and drooling snot into my boyfriend’s armpit. I hadn't cried in a few days, so it was a bunch of stuff that had sort of bubbled up including just a whole lot of love and gratitude for all the life that I have experienced with the person who brought me into the world - and simultaneously taking stock of all the other things I’ve gotten to experience and all the people I love and got to meet in my life so far because I am here and alive! That makes me emotional to think about. 

What is your greatest fear in life?

My greatest fear in life is being the cause of unnecessary suffering. That's what really puts a pit in my stomach. Whether it be from my actions that hurt other people or my words. I wasn’t thoughtful about it when I was growing up and that makes me genuinely nauseous to think about. I’m always worried I’m just flailing about in the world, causing a stressful experience for someone else who's also just trying to figure it out. I'm afraid of that because I feel like there's so much going on and being alive is hard, and there's so much shit to deal with and WOOF it would suck to be that guy that’s making it worse. I'm afraid of being the cause of suffering that doesn't lead to anything good. That's what it is. Like, needless suffering. The end result is, someone suffered. Nothing good came of it. Not even like, whoever suffered got propelled into something better. They just fucking suffered. Congrats, dick! 

What is a heartbreak that changed you as an artist? 

After my brother passed away, I had a full year of what I can only describe as a creative temper tantrum. I really threw myself into sketch comedy and writing, performing. I also worked a lot of shit out in drag, which was an interesting outlet. It was helpful on a bunch of different fronts. I remember the first time I ever got in drag, I had the best time at this show. But I was on and off the stage so quickly, I practically sprinted onto the stage and sprinted off. And then after the fact, I remember being nervous that people would see pictures of it and everything. So even as an out gay man, me being SO stressed about being seen in drag set off some alarms in my brain to keep pushing through the residual homophobia and sexism lurking in the discomfort.

I needed time to work my shit out. The character that I developed in doing that was really aggressive. And it was like, I got to build a suit of armor that was a little scary, while I was experiencing a lot of scary feelings. So it felt good that she was visually kind of an assault of the senses. It felt really healing to dive into that at a time where I was feeling a lot of anguish. I felt like I was really emotionally bottoming out and a lot of spaces were being cleared. And then once the dust settled, it was like, oh, I have so much room to play in now, let's fucking twirl. 

What is the most complex relationship in your life? And that can be with a person or thing? 

With my body, no doubt. It's always been that way for as long as I can remember. But in the past few years I noticed that I started hiding as an actor because of it which is very upsetting to me. I can watch videos of myself performing and I can see myself being more rigid because I’m clearly uncomfortable in my body and don’t want to look fat. Or just writing things and not putting myself in it because I’m self conscious of how I look. Which is dumb, so I’m working on that.

Are you more like your mom or your dad?

It's weird to think about this because I was essentially raised by my mother, my dad passed away when I was 9. But he was so overwhelmingly present in my life while he was alive that I think he made a big impact, So I don't know. I think that I'm equally like both of them. I think that a lot of my drive and real hard headedness and stubbornness comes from my mother. She wasn't afraid to be vocal about what she expected from people, which is what I think that I got from her. And then I think from my dad, his love of comedy and movies and comics and sense of humor. Both of them cultivated a lot of really solid friendships and I picked that up too.

I think what I learned from both of them is that people that you choose to bring in close to you are important, and you have to make them feel important. I’m not sure I’ve done the best job of doing that, but I think it's a thing that I've grown into and want to practice more.

When have you felt the most loved?

I'm having a hard time answering this because I do feel very loved. I feel very lucky. I feel very fortunate to have surrounded myself with a lot of people who show me a lot of love all the time. That blows my mind and overwhelms me. 

I feel most loved when a friend hits me up, literally just to hang out and do nothing. That makes me feel so good, like, whether it's just like, “you want to get a coffee and walk around and just talk about bullshit?”  that makes me feel really seen and loved and appreciated because I get so insecure sometimes about whether or not I'm fucking annoying. But no one hates us as much as we hate ourselves, babe! 

My boyfriend really makes me feel loved. I fancy myself a very transparent person in conversation but I’m very much private in regards to a lot of stuff, so I think that solely for the fact that he gets a real up close unfiltered version of me that I can’t say anyone else has seen or known and still is down to be with me blows my mind.  Like, you’re still inconsolably horny for me even though you know how many times a day that I shit? Wow! Incredible. 

What brings you hope?

When I see people being willing to be vulnerable with each other, not in the sense of crying in front of each other, but being brave enough to talk about how they feel in a moment without getting worked up or defensive or emotional. That always gives me a lot of hope. Especially now when things are really tense and people are seemingly kind of messy and emotional for sport. Whenever I see someone being willing to have the patience to meet someone even more than halfway, that always gives me a lot of hope. When I see someone being very patient with a person who's been kind of taken down the rabbit hole of some wild thinking then earnestly listen to them and talk? And then seeing the other person, seeing the cogs turn in their head towards a new way of thinking? So cool. I love seeing unlikely friendships build on sort of like a ground level, face to face. 

If you could tell your younger self something, what would you want to tell them?

If anything I think I’d just tell him to be as present as possible. My only regret that I ever really feel is that I've been fortunate enough to do a bunch of cool and fun shit, but I was kind of in my head and stressed over the outcome of it. But the end results, like the finished product of a thing, the high that you get from it being good is kind of minimal compared to just the act of creating it and making sure that you're present with the other people that are working on it with you.

And beyond creativity, I’d tell myself to just be present in moments where I’m spending time with loved ones who won't be around forever. Just be there. Also try not to take everything so personally! So I guess, overall, if I could speak to the 20 year old baby Kyle, freshly landed in LA, I would grab me by the shoulders and would say “be present and fucking chill out. And also your body isn't disgusting”

What does success mean to you?

Financially? It means being able to go out to dinner whenever I want, just meet friends for dinner literally as many times as I want out of the week, have fun, cover the bill. That would be nice. I want a house too. I want more than one house! In terms of career success stuff, I would love to build a little world where my friends and I set out to make something very funny. The process of making it is fun, And then everyone gets paid a bunch of money to make something funny together. We have fun doing it. Maybe we get a free vacation out of it.  Honestly like what Adam Sandler and his friends probably do, which I assume is ask everyone “where do you guys want to go on vacation this year? We're going to set a movie there and everyone bring your kids.” I want something like that. I would love to then go back to my house, write my things, spend time with my friends and live real life and then be able to drop back in and do some really cool, funny, silly Hollywood bullshit.

What does being happy look like for you? 

Being happy, to me, is feeling that creative electricity with friends. We're all on the same page and we're all moving towards a collective vision of “ooh, we're conjuring something into existence together and we're cackling like witches while we do it over a cauldron.” That's happiness to me. That pure, really unadulterated creative crackling. That's where I really get off. That's what I feel like I'm here to do. That feels really good. And then also, think in general, just like, being around a table with friends and laughing is my favorite thing. Whether it be in a creative sense in an actual writer’s room, but also just at dinner, eating good food. My favorite thing to do is get dinner with a friend and we split a bottle of wine and get a bunch of apps and screech. 

My last thing is I want you to say something that you really, really love about yourself.

I love and I'm proud of my resilience. I love the fact that I'm optimistic. I love my connection to my intuition and that I feel so trusting of it. I love my commitment to cultivating a life of contentment and an aversion to needless suffering and bullshit and noise. There's so much anguish and suffering built into being alive, that's always going to be part of the inventory. Like, we've got anguish and suffering at home in the fridge. Why would I go 20 minutes out of my way to get it through the drive through? I'm not doing that. We have it at home. Fuck that. So I like that I'm able to discern what makes me feel good and proud of myself. I love that. I'm thoughtful of the fact that I'm thoughtful and protective of the purpose.  I'm not going to let anything into the inner circle to fuck up the vibe of making the things and being here with people. That makes me feel proud and good. I love that.