matthew solomon

Matthew Solomon, 30 years old, actor

Why are you an actor? 

Nothing else made sense. I just love people. Collaborating is one of my favorite things to do. I just like collaborative artistic experiences where people are bouncing off of eachother and discovering new things when working together, and I think that is probably why I like acting so much. But I think acting is the easiest place for me to find a flow state. If something else comes along that gives me that same flow state then I will switch but it hasn’t happened yet. 

How do you feel like your mental health journey has been as you have pursued acting?

I mean there is nothing more mentally taxing than being something like an actor, there are other careers that are obviously as draining. But it is also sort of forged in fire, I feel like I am more persistent than I have ever been and I am also more in charge of my own perspective than being in a career that wouldn’t challenge me.  I have had some really low lows because of life circumstances and acting and they have compounded on each other and I have had to deal with those and figure out how to get myself out of them. I am simultaneously very grateful for them but also very resentful of them.

When you are in those low lows what do you do?

I have to take a very pragmatic approach, and say this isn't permanent, especially with my depression. I have discovered within the last two years that I have clinical depression where I become physically ill and I lay in bed for days on end. And because I have had those more often I have realized this is a brain sickness not a body sickness. When this does happen and I remind myself – I have to leave home, I have to get exercise, I have to interact with my friends and I have to treat those like appointments because it helps to move and be proactive.

How do you want to impact the world through your art? 

As I explore writing more, kind of selfishly, I want to be seen as an original mind. Even if it is a story that has been told before, I want it to feel fresh and original. The short I just made was about two gay best friends, one of whom murder some someone, and the other friend comes over and it’s an exaggeration of what you would do for your best friend or for your chosen family. I think the psychology is more interesting in following someone who is figuring out what they would do to help their best friend, instead of it just being a comedy about a murder. You don’t see the dead body at all, it is really just about the relationship between two friends. I think with the stories I chose to tell, I want to explore the psychology between friends and lovers. I want people to be more conscious of how they are relating to each other. 

Is there a heartbreak that changed you as an artist? 

I think the heartbreak of my childhood. I was kind of bullied. I was the gay kid. I was the weirdo. I came out when I was 14 or 15 but everyone was calling me gay behind my back. And I thought it was going to make me more well liked because I was kind of the invisible kid so I kind of came out to be more popular because I lived in the Bay Area, but it did not do that at all. And then I learned the very crucial lesson of being yourself is the only way that people will like you. It’s kind of cheesy to be like “be yourself,” but I mean the unapologetic, very straightforward version of yourself. 

Do you feel like you are more like your mom or dad? 

I feel like I am 50/50. My mom is like this very creative, magnetic, sociable personality, very cool - to be honest, I don't think she ever wanted to be a house wife, she gave up a career with some cool magazine in Europe to raise a family with my dad. And my dad doesn’t take things very seriously. I think I am the appropriate combination of my parents. And I think growing up as the youngest you watch a lot of conflict go down. My brother is like my mom, my sister is very much like my dad. Everyone is so forceful so I made the choice to be the more go with the flow, people-pleaser from being the youngest. 

Have you always known you wanted to be an actor? 

I have always known what I wanted, which is really cool, but when I don’t know what I want, I feel super paralyzed and I am confronting that right now in my life. Acting has worked out for periods and hasn’t worked out and I have to figure out what I am going to do if it is not sustainable. And now I am like, ok what do I do next?

What is the advice you would give to a younger actor pursuing this career? 

Do not take things seriously. There is that saying that is like ‘take the work seriously but don't take yourself seriously.’ But I feel like don’t take the work too seriously, work hard but don’t take it too seriously. I am more interested in working with people who hold things softly than people who take things too seriously. People who are very serious tend to be the gatekeepers of our industry and I am hoping with our generation we will see people who are relaxed and create a healthier community to work in. I am hoping to see this attitude of holding things lightly take over. 

What is your greatest fear? 

I don’t think there’s any singular fear that I can point at and be like “fuck no.” It’s a lot of abstract ideas. I suppose the thing I fear the most is that choices I’ve made out of fear and not out of confidence will inhibit me as a person. 

What is the most complex relationship in your life? 

Being an actor is undoubtedly my most complex relationship. Everyone tells you it’s going to be difficult and full of rejection, but nobody prepares you for the ambiguous. The unanswered calls, the sense of invisibility. It’s not a concrete rejection, so picking yourself and saying “I can do this, I am worthy here” is even more difficult. 

What does success mean to you? 

Bleh. Success means… the healthy part of my brain says it means comfort, security, motivation, excitement. I think feeling inspired by my work and my life, I think that’s what success means to me. Just so happens that I also find being able to buy nice things very inspiring.

What does happiness look like for you? 

I don’t really believe in seeking happiness, that happiness is meant to be the goal. Happiness is fleeting. So I think my idea of happiness is being content day to day. Contentment and comfort.

What are you on the verge of? 

I think I’m on the verge of figuring myself out. I mean we’re all in a constant state of development and growth, but I’m at this place where I’ve had career success, and it’s stalled since, so I have to find new avenues. Maybe those new avenues will open up more doors for what I was trying to accomplish before, or maybe I’ll find a new path entirely. I feel the most adult I’ve ever felt. My dad even said to me once, and maybe this is too enabling, he said, “30 is the new 22.” People are living longer, our economy is trash so people have a harder time finding their footing, so yeah. Maybe I’m just now grown. 

What do you love about yourself? 

The thing I love about myself the most is my community. During my birthday, everyone was talking about how lovely they all found each other which was fortunate. When I was younger, I pictured myself being surrounded by all these cool artists from all over the world and all this stuff and I think creatives often view their work as their identity, and your identity is always there and sometimes work meets you there. I found that some of the most enriching people in my life aren’t necessarily the ones that have the work success they may want, but they are just as enriching as the people who are “more successful.”