kimberlee

Kimberlee, 30 years young, Creative Occupation: Model & Wedding Planner

Why are you a wedding planner?

This is going to sound so cheesy but I love being a wedding planner because I love connecting with people that I have never met before. It’s so rare to have an opportunity to step into someone’s life for a short period of time and fill it with so much joy. I truly love celebrating a couple's union with their family; it’s so important. I also love the design aspect of it all, like putting together a floor plan, conversing with vendors, planning the seating chart, and designing tablescapes. It’s a big puzzle and there are so many pieces happening all around. As a wedding planner, you are putting it all together and making sure that the couple's special day is perfect. 90% of the time, I create amazing bonds and friendships with my clients.

Why do you feel like you have this desire to connect to people?

Okay, story time. My mom is from Jamaica and my dad is from London. Before I (or my siblings) was born, my mom said that she wanted all of her kids' names to start with the letter ‘K’. When they migrated to the states and were obtaining their citizenship, she met so many people who were kind to her. So she wanted all of her kids  to be filled with kindness. After hearing those stories, I thought it was always important to be nice and connect with people, so I would say that I am a pretty personable person. When I see people, like a random stranger, I look at them and I just start grinning from ear to ear (laughs) because I am just like, “Wow you look so cool, you seem like an awesome person!” And that can be anyone, from a person reading a book at my coffee shop or the neighbor who lives on my street. I think having that level of foundation with a human is so rare. It’s important to have that mutual level of respect with people I don’t even know because you never know where people come from or how long it took them to get them to get there. Everyone has a story and it’s vital to connect, recognize and respect that.

Does connecting really evoke something in you? Because some people go through life feeling like they really don’t need to connect with others…

Yes. It makes me so happy! For example I went to the post office the other day and I was talking to the employee and I asked her “Hey, how is your day going?” and she clearly was like, “I’m fine? Why are you talking to me?” (laughs) and I could see that honestly asking about her day and having a little bit of banter, thanking her for her help with everything made her day. I could see a bright light in her eyes because I was recognizing her as a person and not just an essential worker. I could see within a few minutes of my time there, she could be a sister or a friend to other people.  

Do you feel like there was something in your life that shaped you like that? Did you ever feel “othered” in the sense that you didn’t feel seen so you wanted others to feel seen?

It’s funny you ask this, I am the eldest of three siblings, so just being the eldest, growing up, it felt like, “you are the eldest so you have to do XYZ like this and take care of your siblings…” And of course, I loved taking care of my siblings because I love my siblings so much. I learned a lot about myself at a young age. But I did feel like my parents saw me as the eldest sibling, but they didn't see me as who I am as an individual or how I evolved over the years. I love having a sit down, conversation and asking, “How are you actually doing? How are your feelings?” I want others to feel seen and heard, because I never got that opportunity. Wait, am I gonna cry? (laughs) I might! I am in an emotional state! 

You are moving tomorrow. 

Yeah. I might cry. It’s been a really emotional couple of days.

What is one of the hardest things you have had to overcome as a Creative?

I think the one thing I had to overcome is believing in myself. When you are a Creative, and for me at least when I first got into modeling, I was like, “Oh my God can I do this? Really do this? Do I submit for this casting?” I am always in my head - I mean I am a Virgo so I overanalyze literally everything. Even today, I was like, “I need to clean this, and then was like, does it actually look clean?” But yeah, that was the one thing I needed to overcome - to believe in myself more and know that I am capable. The one thing I was taught was that if you don’t believe in yourself then nobody else will. 

Have you ever had walls or insecurities arise with modeling specifically?

Absolutely, especially with my appearance. Growing up I had braids. And then I shaved my head and it was definitely weird for others to see someone who was a female, with a shaved head back in the day. But I was like, “I am here, embracing this look now, kinda here for it” and I started booking a lot of jobs with my shaved head. It was fierce and everyone was like, “Oh my god you look so cool.” And then about three years ago I went blonde. 

The blonde is good. 

The blonde is good! I feel like the blonde is here to stay. But definitely dealing with appearance is hard. For example you go on set, see someone, and instantly compare yourself. I feel like I was constantly, and even now, comparing myself and always thinking, “I’m not getting this job”. 

How do you combat those negative thoughts? Do you combat those negative thoughts? 

I don’t combat those negative thoughts. They are in my head. I embrace it, then I gotta keep moving and think about something else. I put on music or something and get out of that psychological loop. 

When was the last time you cried? Are you comfortable sharing why?

I definitely cried this morning, because I am in this crazy emotional state. Hm. I am gonna cry again. (Pauses). I have lived in LA for seven years and it has been the biggest part of my life. Finding myself, friends, getting into my career with modeling, wedding planning and my full time job. I have done so many amazing things since I have moved out here… I feel like LA is such a true testament to who I am. I have grown up so much here. So, it is pretty emotional — leaving LA. It’s the best city. No shade to Miami, New York and London - those are also incredible cities. But when I think about LA it’s like. Fairfax, street tacos, palm trees, vintage thrift shops, pop up shops, asian markets and don’t even get me started on the music scene here. If I want to go to Vegas, it’s a four hour drive away. The opportunities are endless here. The restaurant scene is amazing, the best food - although it is quite a pretty penny and you bet it is worth every penny and the people - so many walks of life. Yeah. I love it here. 

What’s your greatest fear in life? 

I’d say not being accepted for who I am. I feel like I am accepted in certain aspects in the things that I do - but the average person walking down the street who doesn’t know who I am - will they be able to accept me for who I am or what I have done? 

What is the most complex relationship in your life? 

I would probably say with my mom. Like I said, I am the eldest of four, and I feel like my parents did put me on a pretty high pedestal to make sure I did all the things in the “playbook of life” but there is no real playbook of life if i’m being honest. But there was this sense of, “you need to get a job at sixteen, help provide for your siblings, then you have to go to college to get a degree and you have to get a job” etc. All these things that I was meant to be and do. And I feel like my mom is very proud of me because I did those things, but still to this day I feel like my parents don’t really see me or respect me as a thirty year old. In their eyes, I still, sometimes, am their little girl. And I’m not. I am an adult. You have to communicate with me differently. I am very understanding and it took me a long time to get where I am. But it’s complex with certain things. It’s something I am trying to navigate and be very communicative about. 

When have you felt the most loved? 

I don’t want to say meeting my partner made me feel the most loved because that feels a little weird to say - in the sense that - people need to be mindful about having their romantic relationships define who they are. But I can say that Joseph made me feel ever so loved when he proposed to me which was absolutely unreal. He actually proposed to me on my 30th birthday at our future wedding venue. I was the conductor of the hot mess express (laughs) and I feel like that day will always be so special to me. I didn’t know it was happening that day, and even the day before I had said to him, “when it comes to my birthday I never feel like it’s really special and I never really feel that loved” and he just completely rewrote the narrative that I have had for the past 29 years. He made me feel so loved, appreciated, and it was the most magical day. I was crying uncontrollably, concealer everywhere - but it was incredible. My feelings and love for Joseph are indescribable. I was on a high from life for 60 days. I did count - it was 60 days that I had that feeling (laughs). 

You are a Virgo. 

I am such a Virgo (Laughs). 

What brings you hope? 

What would bring me hope is if Congress would ban assault weapons. That would bring me hope. 

If you could tell your younger self something, what would you tell her? 

Never stop dreaming. 

What does being happy look like for you? 

I feel like for me being happy is to be healthy. Health and wellness is so important to me - I have been a vegetarian for 15 years now. I love working out cardio & pilates are my go to. So health has always been important because if I am healthy I am happy. And having a solid relationship with my family, Joseph, my puppy Koda and my best friends. So many other things make me happy! Music, books, crime podcasts, fashion, film, traveling, cooking and randomly singing Tyler, the Creator lyrics (laughs) — everything really. 

What are you on the verge of? 

Wait, what am I on the verge of? Such a good question! I feel like I am on the verge of a new chapter which involves a life change. But for the greater good. I am planning for the future. And this future is something I was not expecting. I was not expecting to meet my life partner during a pandemic, getting engaged, planning a wedding and moving and everything else in between. But things are happening and you know what - I am so happy about it. 

Say one thing you love about yourself and why?

I love that I am very compassionate. Growing up - I have had to learn to put myself before others because before that I was always putting others before myself. I was so careful with others’ feelings in personal relationships or work relationships because I genuinely do care about people. As much as the state of the world has its ups and downs, I am grateful for anyone who has played a massive role in my life.