nell sherman

What’s your name, age, creative occupation?

 Nell Sherman. Nell Tomalin Sherman. Nell T Sherman, however you need it. If you want my Catholic confirmation name it’s Nell Tomalin Ginny Sherman. Ginny is because of Ginny Weasley, and me thinking I could do a better job than her but the Catholic church allowed this to happen because the Patron Saint of French Orphans - Genevieve- so either way … Nell Tomalin Ginny Sherman. 

Occupation? Bro, I don’t know. Technically, I am trying to act and technically I am trying to write. Currently, I am unemployed. Real winner over here. Sometimes I can make money with photos, not frequently and I also sit on babies, also known as baby-sitting. How’s my tight five sounding? 

How would you describe your mental health at the moment? 

Elated. At the moment, I am feeling really, really happy and present. Present being the most exciting bit of it all.  I think it has a lot to do with seeing someone new. And he makes me feel great and he makes me laugh, so I think that is really good. Definitely got the backtrack of worries going on in the form of - what am I doing work wise? But generally I am pretty happy, I love my friends, feeling very excited because I am finding some bravery to make some changes in my life.

Why are you a creative?

Because I don’t know what else to do? I love the idea of being a doctor, but I think the first time something with a patient goes wrong - short of being very crass - I would off myself. I don’t think I could handle it. I think I have a little too much empathy to do more social service style occupations, even though my heart would love for me to dedicate myself that way. I think I would end up becoming a burden and liability to those industries because people would be expensing all of their energy on trying to pick me up after a bad situation. So instead, the easiest thing to do is not be yourself and pretend to be other people? Or to get lost in a dream world and escape. Because basically, creatives are just people who can’t cope with real life, so they just have to dream up other versions. 

What’s your ultimate goal as a creative person? 

To make people happy. To make people feel less lonely. I like the idea that anything I make, either, if it’s a photograph - hopefully they see themselves in their most beautiful form in a way that they didn't know they looked, but somebody else caught it for them. Or if it's a story that I am either in or writing, ideally they can use it as escapism for an evening or they can see themselves in the project and that makes them feel less alone. But either way, it’s to make people feel less alone and make them feel better.

When you are in a creative slump what do you do to get out of it? 

Ohhhh, I don’t know how to get out of it. I think, I end up doing the same thing wrong a couple days in a row and it is usually three days of no productivity and then the realization snaps and I am like ‘OHHH, you got to get out of your house.’ I will often call a friend and kind of in a mutually beneficial way (I hope), semi-selfish, I will get lost in whatever is going on in their life and it will give me some perspective. And it can also feel like I am helping someone at the same time. And that way it takes me out of my own cyclical headspace where I am just spiraling, you know? 

If you weren’t pursuing the arts, what would you do and why? 

I think I would be trying to reform the adoption process and foster care system because I am really troubled by how many kids are in the foster care system and how difficult it is to adopt them out. 

I know that I don’t know a lot and also that a lot of care needs to go into the vetting process to place kids in homes, but I do think that financially, legislatively and judiciously, it’s bonkers how difficult it is to put kids in safe and loving homes where people are desperate to start building families. I also think that the process of incentivizing the foster care system financially is fundamentally messed up - that’s how a lot of kids get put into bad homes because some people want it for the paycheck rather than for the heart of the issue which should be helping kids. 

I used to volunteer with an foster care adjacent organization called CASA and I hope to resume work on that someday and it is also a big incentive for gaining success in a public facing realm through acting or writing because I love the idea of having a platform that I can use to gain awareness and raise funds to put towards reform for the foster care system. 

What is the hardest thing you have had to overcome while pursuing your career? 

 Insecurity. I could mean financial insecurity, housing insecurity, but I mean personal insecurity and thinking that the person next to me is already leagues ahead of me. ‘I won’t cut it’ -  I had to get over that. I don't know if this is a good guiding principle and reason for motivation, but personally I decided I just didn't want to feel regretful and I didn't want to look back on it later in life and be like I didn't even try. 

What’s some advice you would want to give someone who is pursuing a creative career? 

Early on, when you are little and young, it’s just make whatever you can, as often as you can because it's a muscle and the more you do it, the more comfortable you will get and the more you will learn through the process. It doesn’t have to be seen by anyone or go anywhere, it’s just the act of making stuff is a good exercise. Even if they are just dance videos of yourself on your phone in the playroom. And then, just don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t do it. Just go. You have just as much right to try to make it happen as anybody else - don’t wait for anyone’s permission.

When do you feel the most true to yourself? 

 Lately I am feeling the most myself when I am with this guy that I have been seeing and I have been really pleasantly surprised to get reacquainted with myself. In all the silliness and affection I get to have an outlet for, I used to always dump it on my friends, but now there is like a different level of it I get to filter out and it feels so good to feel weightless by dropping any kind of mask.

What’s your vice when you find yourself struggling? 

My friends and distracting myself with my friends. 

What is your greatest fear in life? 

Knowing that I am going to have to keep coping with the loss of love - through losing people. I am scared about the next big one, the next big loss of love, whether that’s a family member or a friend and how I am going to be able to cope with it. Because I feel like I am not doing a good job when it happens, because it does crack me to my core. 

What’s a heartbreak that changed you as an artist? 

The natural answer would be the loss of my dad. But I don't know if it did change me as an artist except making me be more fearful for a while and delaying me. More realistically, I think the heartbreak of losing friends, because those are the chosen support that have no obligation to you and surprise you in life and it’s just truly magic to make a good friend. I don't think there is a greater power than finding a good friend. And so to lose that magic is devastating and shakes you and I think on a personal level, connects you to your emotions more and usually in a shitty way but sometimes through acting or writing, I can communicate better. 

What’s the most complex relationship in your life? 

My body. I feel like we are not communicating well lately. I cannot figure out how to help it. And I know some of the things are like stubbornness on healthy habits on my end. But I also just feel like I can’t - it’s like talking to a baby, where the baby can’t talk back and you can’t figure out what it needs. 

Are you more like your mom or your dad? 

Dad. easy answer. I am like a little carbon copy of my dad. My dad was somebody whose affection and love for others was bursting out the seams and he would see me and say ‘I LOVE THIS GIRL,’ and it would just burst out of him. My dad was the kind of person who was always hearing music and his body was always dancing. He was a big old goof and I definitely take after him. 

When you are dead and gone, what do you want to be known for? 

Hopefully, that I gave love freely. That people were able to feel love from me. Nothing is more heartbreaking to me than people that feel lonely, so if I made someone that feels lonely feel some love, then that’s it. That’s good. 

Do you believe in God or an after life and why?

Yeah, I don’t know what He or She or They look like. I think that there might be this energy, beam of light, thing that can blast out love and disaster at its will. I think there has got to be some sort of afterlife. I can imagine my dad and my friend's mom who have both passed, sitting on a porch with great perfect 70 degree weather with a breeze, drinking a beer and wine. 

I think it is as simple as that, I think heaven is just that - never ending companionship in the sky. It’s not like a candy castle, I think it's more specifically about always being surrounded by companionship because I don’t think anyone is supposed to be properly alone.

When have you felt the most loved? 

It might be my Ex. We knew when we looked at each other that both of us definitely felt that if we lost the other one we would die. I know I felt that about him and when we broke up, I wondered if I was going to die from heartbreak. But when we were together there was such an equal need for each other. Like he was the air for me, and he definitely felt that way back. I remember, I was really upset one day about my dad - since I had coped with my dad largely on my own, I let out some tears in front of him and I hugged myself and that devastated him. He was like if I am near you, please don't ever do that again, let me hug you. I felt in the moment that that was a love that was good, that’s what the stories are about. 

Who is your biggest cheerleader and how do they make you feel? 

One of my biggest cheerleaders used to be my former friend, so not having them anymore definitely is tough. Also my dad. But these days, I have a couple good friends (yourself included) who I know are rooting for me. But at the moment, because I know we all have so much going on, I am trying to be my own biggest cheerleader and it’s a very combative endeavor on the internal front because I’m like “be humble, NO you are amazing!’ It’s like a very loud sorority house - bitchy girls just yelling at each other but it's all me.

What brings you hope? 

That nothing has been decided about the future. That everyday we are gonna wake up and have a new chance to do something else and that maybe when I wake up in the morning, I will discover more confidence and more passion and more bravery. 

If you could tell your younger self something you know now what would it be? 

I don't know. I don't feel qualified to give advice. I would just say to myself try to go easier on yourself. My good friends tell me I am hard on myself, but I don't really believe that. I feel like we should all be striving for better. But I don't feel like I know what to say to her. 

What does being happy look like for you?

It looks like days filled with laughter and time to cook and time to be outside and someone to hug and getting to see a new place and getting to be wholly present for whatever moment you are in and not looking ahead. 

Say one thing you love about yourself. 

I love how active and warm my heart feels towards other people in my life. I feel jittery and warm because I am with you and I love you. And I am grateful that I largely lean on love and an openness for it and I am not discriminatory with it. Pretty much everyone is worthy of love until proven guilty, in my world. I like knowing that that is something I can do.